‘Twas the night before Shutdown, when all through the nation
Not a citizen was happy, not this occasion;
ACA Waivers hung by the Congress with care,
In hopes that the Teamsters would not despair;
Government staffers, nestled snug in their beds,
While visions of exemptions danced in their heads,
And Michelle in her Dior, and I in my golf shirt,
Had just laughed ourselves silly at Republican butthurt—
When out in the Senate, there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the back nine to see what was the matter.
Away to the Treasury I flew like a flash,
Tore open the coffers and spread ’round the cash.
The moon on the breast of a nation near fallen,
Gave luster to lobbyists, who from Soros, came callin';
When what to my progressive gaze should appear,
But a miniature sleigh and a few RINOdeer,
With a driver who made right wing ears bleed,
I knew that it must be Senator Reid.
Like turncoats and buzzards, the moderates came,
And he cursed, and shouted, and call’d them by name:
“Now! Ayotte, now! Blunt, now! Chambliss and Coburn,
On! Graham, on! McCain, on! McConnell and Cornyn;
To hell with The People! Let Democracy fall!
I’ll cause this Shutdown and then blame you all!”
The Constitution, now shredded, its pages did fly,
As the breath of Pelosi blew them into the sky;
To the top of the Capitol, the moderates flew,
With amendments of evil, this they surely knew.
And then in a twinkling, I heard on the roof,
The prancing and pawing of each cloven hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney came Senator Reid with a bound:
He was all dress’d in black, with a hideous tie,
The pattern on which caused strain to my eye;
Entitlements and subsidies flung on his back,
He bought every vote, when he opened his pack.
His eyes — pure evil! His dimples: what craters,
His cheeks puffed out as he said “Eff the haters!”
His sniveling grin drawn up with Botox,
And the hair of his head, grey like gym socks;
The stump of a bone he held tight in his teeth,
From the corpse of Liberty, now laid beneath.
He had a broad sneer, though he was small in stature,
As I view’d him, I knew I’d missed the Rapture.
But I laugh’d when I saw him, in spite of these things,
As he continued, with chorus, my praises to sing.
My salary saved with a nod of his head
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.
Reid spoke not a word, as The People he hurt,
Stopping all of their paychecks.. the guy was a jerk!
Giving them the finger, and a thumb to the nose,
On the backs of the nation, his will he imposed.
He sprung to the sleigh, to the RINOs, a whistle,
As they took off for home, straight like a missile:
But I heard him exclaim, ere he flew out of sight —
Happy Shutdown to all, the GOP caused the fight!