So Healthcare.gov has a new Live Chat option..

[11:54:34 pm]: Thanks for contacting Health Insurance Marketplace Live Chat. Please wait while we connect you to someone who can help.
[11:54:37 pm]: Please be patient while we’re helping other people.
[11:54:43 pm]: Welcome! You’re now connected to Health Insurance Marketplace Live Chat.

Thanks for contacting us. My name is Kenneth. To protect your privacy, please don’t provide any personal information, like Social Security Number, or any other sensitive medical or personal information.
[11:54:51 pm]: Dustin
Hi Kenneth
[11:55:15 pm]: Kenneth
Hello. How are you tonight? How can I assist you?
[11:55:39 pm]: Dustin
Before we get started, will the NSA be monitoring and/or recording this conversation?
[11:57:37 pm]: Kenneth
As far as I know, they will not be monitoring this. I do know our own quality personnel will be monitoring this in order to give complete accurate information.
[11:57:56 pm]: Kenneth
But that is all that I know of who would be monitoring this.
[11:58:33 pm]: Dustin
I ask because last night’s episode of South Park has me very concerned..
[11:59:32 pm]: Kenneth
Unfortunately I haven’t seen it yet. Was planning on it but haven’t seen it yet.
[12:00:46 am]: Dustin
Basically they let the American people see behind the veil. We see, for maybe the first time, that the Gov’t is tracking ALL of our electronic and cellular conversations
[12:01:17 am]: Dustin
I’m incredibly concerned that if I say the wrong thing about Obamacare, that I may be sent to some sort of holding camp or a gulag
[12:02:48 am]: Dustin
Also.. in this episode, we see the debut of a new mind-controlled social media device that instantly uploads the user’s thoughts to the internet via Twitter
[12:03:19 am]: Dustin
Will the install, for a lack of a better word, of this device be covered under the Affordable Care Act, or would I have to go out of pocket for something like that?
[12:03:27 am]: Kenneth
I do know, you can say anything that is your personal opinion about this. I myself have very mixed feelings about it just like the rest of the United States. We take all the opinions to help serve the community better.
[12:05:04 am]: Kenneth
I don’t know of any programs that would require an install in order to have this coverage.
[12:05:36 am]: Dustin
Kenneth, you’re taking a long time to answer. I’m starting to get a little paranoid. Are you reporting me to some sort of handler or supervisor who can track my location?
[12:05:54 am]: Kenneth
Not at all.
[12:06:30 am]: Kenneth
It’s up to you if you want to trust me or not. I do know that there is nothing I can do to report you for anything of that nature or anything at all for that matter.
[12:06:30 am]: Dustin
So, if I read you correctly, I wouldn’t be forced to accept the install of a mind control chip?
[12:06:53 am]: Kenneth
I haven’t heard of such a thing.
[12:07:51 am]: Dustin
I just told you about it. South Park did an expose on it last night, man! For crying out loud.. Alec Baldwin was an early adopter. If he’s in, you know it’s going to be popular.
[12:09:03 am]: Kenneth
That does make me wish I watched it. I have it ready to watch at home but unfortunately did not have time to watch it yet. I’m on the same page as you are Dustin, and I can assure you, I would not do anything like that even if forced.
[12:09:34 am]: Dustin
Speaking of forced.. will I be required to sign up at an Obamacare exchange?
[12:10:03 am]: Kenneth
You must enroll in a health insurance plan by January 1, 2014. You can obtain health coverage through the Health Insurance Marketplace, outside the Marketplace, or through an employer. However, you may qualify for lower costs if you buy coverage through the Marketplace.
[12:11:33 am]: Kenneth
The Affordable Care Act requires most people to maintain health insurance. You can get insurance through your job, through the Health Insurance Marketplace, or directly from an insurance company. After open enrollment ends on March 31, 2014, you cannot get Marketplace coverage until the next annual enrollment period, unless you have a qualifying life event such as a birth or marriage. If you do not get health insurance in 2014, you may have to pay a fee. The fee in 2014 is 1% of your yearly income or $95 per person for the year, whichever is higher. The fee for uninsured children is $47.50 per child. The most a family would have to pay is $285. Amounts go up after 2014.
[12:11:59 am]: Dustin
Whoa! Did you just copy/paste that?
[12:12:18 am]: Kenneth
I sure did.
[12:14:55 am]: Kenneth
All of that information is directly off of the Healthcare.gov website.
[12:17:08 am]: Dustin
I was gonna say.. wow! you type fast!
[12:17:43 am]: Dustin
So anyway.. what if I already have coverage, will I be allowed to keep my plan?
[12:18:07 am]: Kenneth
If you currently have health insurance, the health care law will not affect your coverage.
[12:18:33 am]: Dustin
That’s not what the dude with the hair helmet said on Fox News
[12:18:57 am]: Kenneth
You might be able to qualify for lower costs through the marketplace but other than that, everything else is about the same.
[12:19:44 am]: Kenneth
No, you can absolutely keep the same plan. They suggest for you to still fill out an application online incase you can qualify for lower costs on premiums or cost sharing.
[12:20:32 am]: Dustin
What about my doctor, will I be able to keep him if I like him?
[12:21:11 am]: Dustin
Obama promised that I could. Do you know him.. is he a good guy, you know, in real life?
[12:21:49 am]: Kenneth
Maybe. Some of these plans would be HMO style plans. And that means they have there own network. If he is not in there network, then you would have to change. Unfortunately, I do not know him. Wish I did though.
[12:22:58 am]: Kenneth
There would be more types of plans including PPO style plans which don’t make you change doctors.
[12:23:58 am]: Dustin
What if my doctor has told me that he’s retiring early do to “the insane and unattainable demands of that f___king failure piece of legislation pushed on us by that Socialist piece of s__t”? (his words, not mine.. btw)
[12:24:19 am]: Dustin
ahh.. “due” back there. not “do”
[12:24:43 am]: Dustin
Will my premiums increase as a punishment for that grammatical error, Kenneth?
[12:25:05 am]: Dustin
HAHA! Just kidding. I know I’m safe.. I’m not a crazy person, Kenneth.
[12:26:38 am]: Kenneth
Understandable. Unfortunately, I don’t have any exact information on that.
[12:26:58 am]: Kenneth
But I doubt there would be any penalty for that.
[12:27:30 am]: Dustin
Will my doctor be targeted by a drone strike for what he said? I didn’t mean to throw him under the bus, just now, but if the NSA is listening like South Park said.. Yikes!
[12:28:25 am]: Kenneth
I highly doubt he would be targeted.
[12:29:09 am]: Dustin
Wait.. you highly doubt it? That logically means that it could be a possibility, no?
[12:30:45 am]: Kenneth
I cannot make any sort of a request towards that. So according to me, no, it would not happen.
[12:30:58 am]: Dustin
That’s a relief.
[12:31:11 am]: Dustin
I’m lonely, Kenneth. Do you ever get lonely?
[12:33:15 am]: Kenneth
I do apologize, but do you have any more Marketplace related questions that I could help you with?
[12:35:24 am]: Dustin
Yes.. if I were to suffer from clinical depression in the near future, would Obamacare cover that, or would it be considered a pre-existing condition, based on the fact that I just admitted to you that I am lonely?
[12:39:33 am]: Kenneth
When you enroll into a plan, they would be the one to determine if that is a pre-existing condition or not. I apologize for the inconvenience.
[12:40:23 am]: Dustin
Hey! I just thought of something.. if you worked in a lab and you were trying to discover the right frequency to do something like shatter a wineglass with sound waves and then you actually did discover the right frequency, but refused to share it with anyone, do you think that your colleagues would eventually just be like “What’s the frequency, Kenneth?”
[12:41:22 am]: Dustin
So.. if I am diagnosed with clinical depression stemming from loneliness, would Obamacare cover the expense of a service/therapy animal?
[12:43:29 am]: Kenneth
They might, but that all depends on the plan you choose. All plans will have a minimum coverage and then it will stem out from there. As of right now, I do not know if that would be covered or not.
[12:44:32 am]: Dustin
If they do cover a service/therapy animal, I’d prefer a cat. I don’t think I’d like to have a dog. They tend to hump the legs of guests and so forth.. talk about embarrassing!
[12:44:55 am]: Dustin
Would a service cat be an option, as they don’t usually hump things?
[12:46:22 am]: Dustin
Kenneth, are you there?
[12:46:32 am]: Kenneth
Like I said, Unfortunately I wouldn’t know the answer to that.
[12:46:44 am]: Dustin
Oh.. I see that you’re typing. Thank goodness. I thought you’d left me. Like my wife..
[12:49:30 am]: Dustin
I think I’d prefer a service cat like Grumpy Cat. Have you ever seen Grumpy Cat, Kenneth? She’s on Buzzfeed a lot. I love Buzzfeed. I think I saw something there about a meme called the Adorable Care Act! It was so funny! But then, this guy named @ExJon made a countermeme that pretty much made fun of it. Kinda ruined my day, since it made me think of all the things that could go wrong with the Obamacare that would be decidedly not adorable.
[12:51:08 am]: Dustin
Now I’m depressed again. I think I can feel my blood pressure rising.. and yup! There went my heart monitor. Can you believe they make me wear one of those, Kenneth? Doc says ever since Christine left me that I’m too “easily excited” and that I’m probably going to “keel over from a massive heart attack any day now”.
[12:51:17 am]: Dustin
Wait.. should I not have told you that?
[12:52:50 am]: Kenneth
No reason why not. But if you keep going off track, I would not be able to keep going with this chat. Unless you have more questions regarding the Affordable Care Act or the Health Insurance Marketplace, I cannot keep going with this. I do apologize for the inconvenience.
[12:54:13 am]: Dustin
I understand, Kenneth. You’re busy and have many more people like me to help. If you’ll indulge me, just one more thing.. do you know who Andrew Breitbart is?
[12:55:05 am]: Kenneth
The blogger?
[12:55:22 am]: Dustin
Yup.. the blogger. Know him?
[12:55:35 am]: Kenneth
Not personally, but I do know of him.
[12:58:28 am]: Kenneth
Is there anything else I could assist you with regarding the Health Insurance Marketplace?
[12:59:28 am]: Dustin
Nope.. just inform your boss that I’ll be burning my ACA enrollment card when it arrives. #WAR

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5 responses to “So Healthcare.gov has a new Live Chat option..

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  3. Pingback: Breitbart is here: Did an Obamacare rep cheer Andrew Breitbart in live-chat session? | Twitchy·

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